Sometimes, to start, you just need to Start. One foot in front of the other. One step at a time. It is good to have a path. It is important to know where you want to go. Even if it’s just the general direction. The problem I am having with that is I have absolutely no idea where I want that path to go.
I opened a CrossFit gym. I built a community of athletes that supported, pushed, challenged and taught me more about myself than anything in the world. I got to run a business with my husband, sharing long hours and deep personal commitment to my dream with the person who has been my rock for more than ten years. And then I let it go (the business, not the marriage.)
The only constant in life is change.
I have celebrated and grieved in 2011 as I never have before. I fell off the Clean/Paleo wagon with a thump, eating my way through the selling of business and home, packing and moving. I escaped into the worlds of novels, blunting my shock and depression with fictionalized alternate lives. I am OK with this. Physical escape was not an option, and sometimes you have to step back by any means necessary to find yourself again.
I admit to being rather lost now. “What do you want to do with your life?” is a question that I already thought I had answered. Now the path feels rather muddled.
I wish very much that this post were a RA-RA-SIS-BOOM-BA post about the amazing resolutions and accomplishments I have for this year. It’s not. No. this is a post were I am just going to start putting one foot in front of the other. My only resolution this year is to open myself to any and all possibilities out there.
And this place? Here is where I will write…or not. This is where I can take some baby steps and clear some cobwebs. I am writing here for me. I have cleared the past posts off this blog to create a blank slate. I do not want to look backwards.
The things I do know are:
I will write.
I will be grateful for my husband and children and the relationships that are created in my life.
I will explore all possibilities.
I will continue to help others where and when I can (even if it is only by relaying my own foibles.)
I will heal, emotionally, mentally, and physically. Whole.
I will dream.
Enough of the wallowing. Time to step forward.